Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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