no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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