Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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