i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
