Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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