We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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