Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize