nut hugger
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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