he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
