And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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