he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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