And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
