How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
