This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
