you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
