What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
