WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
