My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
