my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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