counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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