What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
