yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize