turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
