She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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