hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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