The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize