Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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