i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
