yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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