Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
