Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
