Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
