he puts the penis in happiness.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
