Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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