Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
