made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
