Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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