lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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