I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
