looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
