OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
