I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
