I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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