I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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