At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
