Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
try to milk me bitch
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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