Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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