I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
