She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
