he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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