He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize