fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
