oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize