i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
