Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
