Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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