she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
