Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
