Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
