just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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