if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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