apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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