This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
