Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there was a trapeze. enough said
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
