we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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