It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
