Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize