Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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