your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
