She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
