meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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