She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
