No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize