I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
