I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
