At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
