Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My liver just had a heart attack.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
