found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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