sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
