Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
