well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
