I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize