So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
