i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
