My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
