who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize