i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
