Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
