I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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