I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
