47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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