didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
