I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
