Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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